Friday, November 2, 2012

My Therapy - Bringing Meaning Back

Sometimes I feel like the title is the most important part of my blog. I always try to think of something that really explains my feelings and the things that I have been going through. Writing in my blog, or writing in general really is "My Therapy", and lately I feel like that is what I have been missing.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. It's crazy how much life can change and how much things you learn - even if you learn them time and time again. A couple of months ago Jake and I celebrated our official one year of being together. We went to red robin and then went to see a movie. A month later we celebrated our 6th month anniversary, though that was when general conference was going on so we did not get to do much, but we still tried to make it special by decorating the car. ;-)

I am so grateful to have Jake in my life. It's amazing to have a person that is going to be there for me no matter what. I am so grateful that I have someone who can love me despite all of my weaknesses. Earlier tonight I had the thought of how my life would be if I had no one to share it with; if there was no one who loved me, and I got really scared. Love is one of the most important feelings in the world. It is the thing that keeps every single individual going, and when one feels that they lack love, it might be the end of them. It's so important to take time to realize that love is something that everyone needs. It does not matter what they might have done to you in the past or how scared you might be to actually love them, but just knowing that someone cares can make all of the difference to someone. I know I definitely struggle with this. . . and I want to do better. Love is in fact all about taking chances. Below is some of my favorite pictures from the photo shoot my sister Nicole did for me and Jake!

Another title I wanted to give my blog was "No Time". Now a days I feel like I have no time to do the things that I want to do, and even do the things that I need to do. A couple of weeks ago I was asked to work 5 days a week instead of four. I loved having my Monday's off so I could get caught up with everything that I needed to do. But business is crazy right now and they really wanted me to, so that has what I have been doing. It's crazy how much not having my Monday's has made me feel. I have felt more down, and I feel like the apartment is a constant pig sty. I end up spending my weekends getting caught up on the things that I was not able to get done throughout the week and not really taking a break. After a long day of work Jake told me something that really stuck, he said "I cannot remember the last time that you have REALLY enjoyed something." That is something that I have really been thinking about for the past few days, since I could not remember either. I had never really thought about how enjoying something takes some effort. For instance, something I enjoy is writing. There has been this voice inside my head that would tell me to take some time to write and I would end up spending my time on other things, things that were important, but not as meaningful. I want to bring meaning back into my life, I need to bring meaning back into my life in order to be happy and truly enjoy my life now. So the other part of my title is "Bringing Meaning Back".

The point that I want to make and express to people is to always bring meaning back into their lives. There are times where we just feel like our trials are over-bearable and we feel like giving up but I encourage everyone to bring the meaning back. Whether it is just taking five minutes for yourself, or praying to our Heavenly Father to gain perspective back, or simply doing something you enjoy. Make each day meaningful, and each day will be happier. There is a greater purpose, we should never feel stuck.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Life's Transitions Are No Simple Task

If there is one thing that I have learned from my life this far is that it is always changing and changes can be WAY hard. I have always been the girl that hated moving up a grade in school, starting some new hobby, and meeting new people. I still fear walking into a room of people (doesn't matter if I know them or not) by myself and have them all staring at me. Sometimes I just fear new experiences, no matter how great they can be.

Almost EVERY TIME I learn to love the new experience that I am in, it's just the transition that is the hardest part. Marriage has been a huge transitional stage in my life. While I was very confident in this transition and knew that I would be very happy with Jake, there definitely have been hard days. . .

It's amazing how I see hand of the Lord helping me out through my past transitions and my current ones. When I knelt across the alter from my sweetheart, I knew that I was making the right decision, and I knew that the Lord was with me. I could feel Him right there next to us, knowing that he will help us along our way. It was one of the most happiest moments in my life. Sometimes it's easy to forget the hand of the Lord after a long day of work and opening the empty fridge trying to figure out something to eat, while not having a desire to do anything but watch TV. Sometimes it's hard to acknowledge to the Lord on days like these.This is where our greatest amount of FAITH and DILIGENCE should kick in. Nothing takes true diligence until it becomes something that is hard to push through. I know countless times already I have lived below what I know the Lord would expect of me because I have felt too tired or too lazy.

It's amazing to see the blessings of the Lord when I give some effort to fulfill the many responsibilities that I have. Recently Jake and I were able to borrow another car for a while thanks to my loving parents, and we got a really good grant for school. Jake has also been an amazing blessing to me and serves me when I feel down after he has had a long day himself. Scriptures and prayer have also been great blessings to me to help keep a peaceful mood.

Even though transitions are hard, they are totally worth it when we push forth with continual diligence to complete the responsibilities that are laid before us. The Lord acknowledges our efforts and blesses us accordingly. We should never forget how he is always there helping us every step of the way.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Hidden Confession

It's amazing how some things can just hit you out of no where and how it becomes somewhat of a dream and something you hold dear. Over a year ago I was sitting in my room reading an article and then I had a thought pop in my head that has never seemed to stop appearing sense.

"You should become an inspirational writer"

Wow! I mean of course I have always dreamed of inspiring people, but doing it through writing seemed kind of strange to me. I liked writing in my journal and to myself, and never thought about writing for other people. Whenever I had to have someone read what I had written for a class I was always nervous and never felt like it was that good. I even shared with Jake this hidden dream of mine and while he is 100% supportive I am still nervous to have him hear my ideas. It's funny because most of my ideas pop in as we are laying in bed at night and I quickly grab my phone and write down a note and he always asks, "Another blog idea?"

This being said, it's been really hard for me to get started. I feel like the adversary gets in the way a lot and distracts me from this purpose. Lately, I have felt really distracted as my dream to become an inspirational writer has been more motivating to me. I have felt like life has been too busy and I have a million things to do, but no time to do it. One night I had a thought come to my mind.

"You are losing perspective"

I realized that I was pushing away the important things of my life because I was "too tired" or "too busy", but the main reason was that I have been "too selfish". While we are living for ourselves, we are also living for God and for other people. When it comes down to it, they should be our main focuses. A long time ago, a friend shared with me a story about how she was going to dedicate her life to others and not focus so much on herself. She helped me develop something I like to call the "No More Michelle Policy". When I am faced with a decision it becomes so much easier for me to make choices and to be happy when I realize that I am not just living life for myself. I have forgot about this policy from time to time and it has a direct effect on my mood and overall me!

When we lose sight on what really matters in our lives it is also harder to listen to the promptings of the spirit. I believe that our Heavenly Father gives us little jolts of remembrance to help us to refocus our lives on him and on his work. He is constantly reminding me of the covenants I have made with him and what I should be focusing on in my life, and it is so helpful when I feel like I am starting to lose sight. I love my Heavenly Father so much and I know that he will always be there for me throughout my life giving me the guidance I need to continue to live life to the very fullest!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Life Put Into Perspective

It's amazing how much we sometimes lose the meaning of what life is all about. We just go about doing all of our daily responsibilities and forget what everything we are doing is building up to. Time and time again I fall into this trap and end up losing some of the happiness that I could have had if I remembered to live with an eternal perspective. The Lord has to remind us through specific trials for us to see how much we really do need him in our lives. There have been a few specific events that have occurred this week, not to me personally, but that still effected me and put my life into perspective. Lives can be ended so unexpectedly and so instantly, without warning. . .

We should strive harder to live each day like it is our last day.
Show our love to those that we love.
Look to the Lord in everything that we do.
Spend time with friends and family.
Strive to be better each day.
Make goals.
Never stop improving.
Learn new things.
Ask for forgiveness.
And never let a day go to waste.

We do not know what the future holds for us, but if we keep this perspective throughout our lives there will be much less regret and much more happiness.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Independence Week

This past week was packed full of fun, and even though Jake and I did not do as much as we wanted because of school/work, it is safe to say that we had a fun time.

Last Saturday we went up to Bear Lake to stay with Jake's family at a cabin. We were only able to stay over night, but we had a blast. We got bear lake's famous shakes, played plenty of games, went swimming, and of course got a little sun burnt. We even made up a new car game on the way back that will probably become a family tradition.

A few days later was my birthday, which honestly did not start out too well because I thought that I would not be able to spend time with Jake all day. (Gotta love work schedules sometimes!) A few of my sisters took me out to lunch and I was able to have yummy Island Way's from Costco at work to celebrate my birthday. My mom invited the whole family over to her house for pizza and cake because she did not want me to sit alone on my birthday. When I was walking out the door to head over, all of the sudden Jake was right there walking down the stairs! He made arrangements (which were not very easy) to be able to leave work early and spend time with me on my birthday! I sure do love him for that! The party at my mom's house was fun, and I feel so blessed to be able to have an amazing family and a new amazing family that I have married into!

The next day was Independence day and Jake and I celebrated by going to the Real Salt Lake soccer game. We got free biker caps, got spit on by the guy behind us (which was just funny to joke about), and the game ended with the best firework show that I have ever seen!

I love spending time with Jake and am so grateful for that time that seems so rare to us!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Our Life Thus Far . . .

I am pretty new to this blogging thing but I thought that I would give it a try as a way to keep a journal, but also to share important things that are going on in my life. About three months ago I married the love of my life for time and all eternity, and even though we have already had our fair share of trials, we are very happy together. Last July I came home from going up to school at BYU-Idaho and felt kind of lost. I did not know what my next step in life was going to be and was depressed for what it felt like months. In actuality, it only took two weeks to bring my smile back when I went on a Bryce Canyon trip with my singles ward, and met Jake. It was almost instantly afterwards that we started dating and then the rest is history!

I love Jake more than anything else! He is currently working at Maceys grocery store, while going to school. He is working on becoming an eye doctor, and still has a long road ahead of him. I love how much of a hard worker he is and how much he truly takes care of me. I would be a total wreck without him. I currently work at Backman Title Services, and recently got promoted to be their receptionist. Our combined work schedules make life very lonely at times because we say goodbye in the morning and hello in the late night. We try to take advantage of the time we do have together, because we know how rare it is.

I reflect back on our wedding day as the happiest day of my life. I don't know if I have ever smiled as much as I did that day. Even though we still have a ton of things to figure out, and our life is not perfect, we know that we have eternity together, and we could not be any more thankful and happy!