Friday, March 1, 2013

Holding on to the Good

Lately I have been looking back on the things I did and decisions that I have made in the past. I look back and see all of the silly things I did and then weird things that I thought were important at that time in my life. There is one instance in particular that I want to share with you - because looking back I know things could have played out very differently. I look back at this instance and realize how dumb I was to make that decision that I made.

I started out my senior year of high school very nervous about what was going to happen. My boyfriend at that time had graduated the year before and so I felt like I was starting out new and fresh. A couple of weeks into the year I was sitting in my Business Communications class and a girl walked in who was transferring into the class. I had never seen her before and wondered if she was new to the school. The teacher told her to pick a seat wherever she would like, and she sat down right by me. We started talking and she thought that I was new to the school as well. Come to find out we were both seniors and had been to the school all three years - we just had never saw each other. From day one I saw potential in her. I felt like we would become close friends. 

It took us a while to actually start hanging out outside of our Business Communications class. I felt so comfortable talking with her from day one, and I always looked forward to hanging out with her in that class, because most of the time we did not have enough work to do to keep us occupied for the whole class period. She was starting to become my best friend. She was the person that I would tell everything to. 

The summer after we graduated, we spent a lot of time together. We were becoming closer and closer, and we made memories that we thought would never end. As soon as the summer got over, things slowly started to become different. We were busy with our various responsibilities. I was working part time and started to become close to one of the boys in my singles ward. She was going to hair school, and being a star roll in a Halloween play. We were not talking as much as we used to, and we started to become a little unconnected. Soon the time came that I would head up to BYU-Idaho for my first semester of college. She came to visit me the weekend before I left and gave me a little playlist to listen to. Our visit was not very long and was kind of awkward because of how long it had been since we had seen each other. 

** I have to put in a note here that this girl is an amazing person! Despite all of the challenges that we were currently having in our friendship, she still wanted to stop by and say that she cared and would miss me. She is a girl that is so friendly to everyone that she comes in contact with. She always has such a positive outlook on life and is always wanting to put the past behind her and look forward with hope to the future. 

As I was up in Idaho we would have our close moments and talk on the phone for a while, but it was never how it used to be. When I came back come summer time, something weird happened. I invited this girl over to my house and told her that I did not want to be "close" friends anymore. I call this a weird thing because I don't really remember why I did this and what pushed me to do this. I think I was worried that she would still want to be as close as we were before. I had almost felt like I had moved on and was too "cool" to be friends with her anymore. Dumb right? 

Looking back at this I find the whole situation really immature, and I feel so bad for this poor girl who had to put up with me. Later we had a few long emails back and forth about the whole situation and decided to put everything behind us - though we never really put the whole thing behind us and never became close friends again. 

Months and months past and I started to get really persistent promptings that I needed to do something about this. I would look at this girl and the wonderful things that she was doing, and feel so bad for the way that I had treated her. After months and months of promptings and a night of no sleep, I realized that making up was something that we needed to do. I love to say now that that has officially happened and I am so grateful and proud of this amazing girl in my life, who loves me despite all of the trials that I put her through.

Picture an individual who puts a rock into their backpack every time they make a mistake. Then they put two more rocks in when they put themselves down for that mistake. The rock amount just keeps multiplying every time they reflect on that mistake until that individual cannot move any more.

Now picture an individual who picks up the rock when they make a mistake, and then puts it back down. This individual is deciding to acknowledge the mistake that they are making by picking up the rock, but they are not holding on to it. They keep moving forward without the pain of that mistake still on their backs. 

Now imagine these individual's filling up their backpacks with good things like water, a flash light, and a compass. Because the first individual has filled their backpack with the negative things, they cannot pack the necessary things to make their life's journey. The second individual has plenty of room and decides to take the good things and cherish them. 

It is important to remember that we need to fill our lives with good. When something or someone good comes into our lives we need to always hold on to them and cherish them. When we make a mistake with that good thing, we can acknowledge the mistake, but still move forward, instead of letting that mistake get in the way of the good things that we once had. We need to take those good things on our journey with us and never let them go. 

I am so grateful for this wonderful friend in my life who has helped me to realize that I can hold on to the good and let go of the bad. I am so grateful for her forgiveness to me and her example to me. She does not let her past get in the way of her future. And her future is very bright! I love you Aubrie! 

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