Monday, August 11, 2014

Not a Super-Mom

Marshall has been an absolute joy to have in our home, and I love being a mom. That does not mean that I have "hard days" that I wish things were easier. Before Marshall, I thought I was going to be bored and looking for things to do after quitting my job and becoming a full time mom. I mean really, how much time does a little baby take? I was definitely in for a surprise.

Yesterday was one of those "hard days". Throughout the last two hours of church, I was out in the hall with Marshall. He was not happy, and while he was asleep off and on, he would randomly cry as if he were in pain. Every time he started to cry I felt helpless as I would have to get up and walk around to try to console him. I could not figure out what was bothering him. During the last hour of church, I was tempted to text Jake and ask him to come out of his class with the car keys so I could go home with Marshall, instead of walking around with a crying, 14ish lb baby. While I was walking around the halls, I felt so helpless. People would pass by, as if nothing was wrong, when I was pleading inside for help. My arms were sore, and as Marshall continued to fuss, I had to try harder and harder to keep my own tears inside.
Jake had a meeting after church, but he helped me take Marshall home beforehand. We took off Marshall's shoes and Jake noticed that the big toe on one of Marshall's feet was super red. It must had been bothered somehow in his shoe and that is probably he was fussing so much. 
With Marshall still crying, I sat down to feed him and as I did so, looked around my little apartment. It was a complete mess! I told myself that I would clean up the kitchen and start dinner once Marshall was taken care of. But once I was done feeding Marshall, he had a complete blow out in his diaper. Not to mention he was super sweaty from being in the hot car on the way home. So instead of cleaning and starting dinner, I decided to bathe him and give him a fresh start. Long story short and after taking a nap with Marshall due to my lack of sleep from the previous night, Jake and I ended up having chocolate cake for dinner.

I am not a "super-mom", or a "super-wife".
Ever since Marshall has come into our lives. . .
- I have never finished everything on my to-do list.
- I have given up on getting completely ready for the day if I am not going anywhere.
- Some days, I am lucky if I have dinner ready before bed time.
- The apartment is never clean.
- We vacuumed our apartment for the first time in three months just a week ago.
- The laundry never seems to disappear.
- No more Friday night date nights.
- Etc., etc., etc.

I have come to realize that there is no such thing as a "super-mom" or a "super-wife". Those are just fictional characters like any other super-hero. In our society, we as women are expected to be perfect. Perfection is not something attainable in this life, and societies view of perfection is not realistic. They do not tell you that in those "motivational" books and articles that pump you up only to fail.

So what matters? All that matters is that you are trying and remembering that you do not need to get everything on your to-do list done in order to be successful. After-all, the most important thing is that you are there for your child when they need you. And if that means taking a nap instead of doing the dishes, then that's okay.

Every frustration and trial associated with being a mom does not even compare to the endless joy and love that I feel for my little one. I look at Marshall and know that I am so blessed and honored to take care of one of God's children. God would not have given me Marshall if He knew that I would not be able to handle him. So I have decided to stop trying to be super-mom and super-wife, and start trying to be the best mom and wife that I can be.